i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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