I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize