you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
