I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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