She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
