dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
