i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Randomize
