theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Randomize