Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
