Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Randomize
