My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize