I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
She tied me up with her honor cords...
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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