I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
