I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
