I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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