mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
