i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
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