; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
