so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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