If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
