Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
