Having a random hookup so left but love u
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
