you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
