Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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