Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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