Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
