I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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