Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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