Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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