I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
