My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Randomize
