the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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