Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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