I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
