Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
