She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
