Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
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