kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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