Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
