i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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