i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
You ruined the universe
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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