Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
