Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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