so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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