Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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