So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
