I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
