Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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