u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
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