we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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