i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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