Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
you would pick up someone in the library
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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