These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
