i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Liz is crying about burritos again.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
