Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
