I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
