i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
