I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
