I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
