thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I wish I only lived at night.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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