the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
You ever have a fart follow you around?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
