So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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