Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
