I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
