Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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