I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
