Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
