I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
