Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
