he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
