when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
