If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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